Great Expectaions

Having great expectations, high hopes, setting high standards can be just a part of life. But does it matter how high our hopes are? By expecting great things are we helping to manifest them into our lives or are our high standards controlling us, never allowing us to be satisfied? Again does it even matter?

Check out this info on Schema and you will begin to grasp how much our mindset can affect us – from our perceptions and judgements and even our recollections. This in turn greatly affects our relationships with others, how we see ourselves and view life in general. So are high standards a help or a hindrance?

Personally Speaking

I like to set some standards high – not so high as to be impossible, but high enough to keep me working towards something, be it a moral standard or a goal to help advance my career. With other goals I tend to be a little more vague and light hearted with my expectations. If I ban myself from wine or the odd cigarette that I’m used to, based on my past experiences, I expect myself to crave my forbidden fruit and am likely binge on them with the promise of quitting properly tomorrow.

For me tackling any issue starts with knowing oneself so as to deduce the best way to personally deal with it. Acknowledging my own guilty issue of procrastination coupled with a lazy faith, I have enforced a ‘seize the day’ attitude, but without setting specific targets. In this way I pursue my high standard of being a highly motivated, go-getter without the added pressure that I know could tempt me to quit.

In the last few months I’ve started studying, begun entering writing competitions, looking at new jobs and started this blog, so I can say it works for me.

That said I still think we can all be guilty of casually held expectations that can have a negative impact, like expecting certain behaviour of your partner or convincing yourself future events wont turn out well. These can be snap judgements based on past experiences, but knowing what has happened before only tells us what can happen again not what will or should.
That is my opinion but what do others say on the matter?

Outside Perspective

I’ve gathered a number of quotes on standards and expectations. Which do you agree with?

"High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectations."– Charles F. Kettering, Inventor.

"I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine." - Fritz Perls, Psychiatrist.

"Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and do what is necessary to make it reality." - Ralph Marston, Writer.

"Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations." - Ralph Charell, Writer.

"Acceptance of prevailing standards often means we have no standards of our own." - Jean Toomer, Writer.

"It's not that my standards are too high, I havn't been asked out in a year. I have no standards, anyone, please!" - Yasmine Bleeth, Actress.

“Swimming was like my escape, but it was also like this huge prison because I felt like I had to swim up to people's standards.” – Amanda Beard, Olympic Athlete.

“It's hard to lose when your standards are so low.” – John A. Simone Snr, Author

“Anger always comes from frustrated expectations.” – Elliott Larson, Author.

"I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path." – Dalai Lama.

"When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have" – Stephen Hawking, Professor.

Plenty of food for thought there but let’s sum up the pros and cons of high expectations and standards based on my recent reading, research and quotes.

Pro's	Con's
The higher the bar we set for ourselves the greater we feel when we achieve our expectations and goals	When we let society set our standards we can often lose sight of our own and just follow the crowd
Even the biggest goal can be broken down into small achievable steps	We can feel inadequate when we perceive ourselves as not living up to societal standards
Having a high expectation means there is always something to look forward to be it the bigger picture or the next step	We can abandon our standards altogether if we set them too high and end up becoming desperate
Reaching for the stars can be great motivation for achieving truly great things	We can become too prideful in our high expectation of how things or people should be; allowing ourselves to be arrogant or judgemental of that which doesn’t meet our high standards
Setting standards can be a personal guideline to achievement and can give us security	The higher our standards and self expectation the more our fear of failure can eat at us
Common standards and expectations can unite us into communities with similar beliefs	Expectations can work like assumptions; when we assume we know what others think of us we can become imprisoned in the need to maintain or shatter the image
Living by ones own standards can bring a sense of freedom	Setting high standards can isolate us from peers who may doubt and discourage you or be envious of your faith/expectations and future plans
Expectation seen not as judgement but as hope can bring joy in life’s uncertainty	When you expect nothing you cannot be disappointed or wield blame

So what do the experts say?

Sociologists, psychologists and physiologists agree that setting high standards is not irrelevant. Robert K. Merton’s Self-fulfilling prophecy or Thomas theorem (W.I. Thomas) suggest that our expectations can often shape the path we take, leading us to a place where what we expect comes to fruition. Pygmalion Effect (Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson) mirrors this finding and is based on experiments in education, where imposed beliefs on a students ability would affect the way the teacher behaved toward them thus fulfilling the preconceived beliefs. Expectancy Theory (Viktor Vroom) looks at motivation based on expectations and basically states that if the reward is valued and desired highly enough the motivation and effort put into attaining it will be increased. Dr David Rock, looking at the research of Professor Wolfram Schultz, discusses the link between dopamine and the reward circuitry of the brain and how dopamine is released when we expect something and we are either rewarded with more when these expectations are met or punished with a decline in dopamine levels when they are unmet.

Summary

Ultimately, although there is potential for disappointment, failure, judgement and even enslavement to ones own image, fear of these seems no reason not to set high standards for yourself. Providing our expectations are hopes and not judgements and we are careful not to box ourselves in with societal pressures, the experts say having great expectations can be highly rewarding, motivating and the beginning of something life changing. Positive expectations make us happy and subconsciously promote encouraging behaviour. But we should remember not to be too invested in outcomes and try to remain realistic in order to avoid disappointment. (See Psychology of Success for help and advice with setting and achieving your goals, expectations and standards)

I’ll leave you with a few final quotes that rang true to me.

“When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life.” – Greg Anderson, Author

“We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn.” – Henry David Thoreau, Author

“I set my standards just high enough to fail everyday, but remain happy because I’m enjoying the journey and not worrying about the destination.” – Leah James (Me), Writer.

Temet nosce, carpe diem et esto perpetua.

Know thyself, seize the day and may it be perpetual.

Further reading:

Robert K Merton

W.I. Thomas
Psychology Shared blog
Psychology Today blog